Hello, lovely mum to be,
Today, I want to talk about miscarriage a topic that is very sensitive and painful but something that 1-4 women go through everyday. I lost two babies to miscarriage in between my son and daughter, therefore, I know firsthand how painful it can be and also how ‘matter of fact’ the treatment can be by hospitals at this sensitive time. There does not seem to be much support available in the local community for women who have suffered a miscarriage. You are just expected to carry on.
The medical profession gives you no answers as to why it happens they just throw statistics at you that 1 out of 4 pregnancies ends up in miscarriage. Then you are either sent home to pass the foetus naturally or given the option of a D & C to remove the foetus from the womb. That is it! (Well that was my experience of it anyway albeit 15 years ago.). It is also what I am hearing from women who come to see me for support after their miscarriages. The normal advice is to give your body a couple of months to recover from the miscarriage and then try again.
What people don’t appreciate, for the mum to be carrying this child, it doesn’t matter how many weeks pregnant you are, to you it is a baby you are nurturing and when it dies it is totally heartbreaking. Although you have never met this little person you still have to grieve for its loss. Grief is experienced in different ways, I appreciate that but to brush a person’s feelings to one side at such a heartbreaking time and to not acknowledge this woman was having a baby and now she isn’t, I feel is wrong on so many levels.
Not only have you lost your baby, you then become afraid to try again in case it happens again. Well, that was my experience. After losing my 2nd baby at 9 weeks, I found it really hard to accept that I had lost my baby and was never going to hold it in my arms. Doctors and nurses were telling me how common it was and that there must have been something wrong for it not to have developed further and it was for the best – for me the was not helpful or supportive. It felt hurtful and unsupportive. I sat crying most days, running the whole experience through my head to see if there was something I could have done differently. Having no one really to talk too as no one close to me had experienced a miscarriage. But after talking to a few friends and family members it became clear that it happened a lot.
I then told myself to pull myself together, stop feeling sorry for yourself and try again. After all, you are lucky enough to have one little boy who I totally appreciate is a gift in itself. When I look back now that was so not the right thing to do. I should have taken my time, cried if I wanted to and told people how I felt. This is called the grieving process and this is different for each mum to be. It can be a few weeks, a few months or as long as it needs to be for you to feel your loss, accept it and move on. That sounds harsh but it is a process and one that is different for each woman that has, unfortunately, had to experience it.
For me, 2 months later, I was pregnant with my 3rd baby, and was obviously thrilled but also very anxious and afraid that the same thing would happen again. I tried to be positive and tell myself I would be fine. The people I did talk to about my fears, just brushed them aside saying things like “you were just unlucky last time” “it won’t happen to you again” Relax you have nothing to worry about” “well at least you have one child already”. Not really the support you need after just losing a baby two months prior and now carrying another. I continued to be afraid but I kept it hidden and just focused on getting to my 12-week scan. I got past 9 weeks and got my date for my first scan at 13 weeks. But at 12 weeks 3 days, I started to bleed and bled quite heavily. In my gut, I knew I was miscarrying and it didn’t matter what the medics said I just knew. On examination and a scan, they told me that my baby had probably died at 11 weeks and had taken this long to start to come away. This time I decided to have the D & C and make sure everything was ok before I tried again if I tried again. I just didn’t know how I was going to face this again, let alone try for another baby.
This time was even harder than before, I started to question myself, to why this had happened again and I even got to the point of thinking well I have one gorgeous little boy maybe its best to leave it at that. So 2 months went by and I felt sad, alone and if I did try to talk about it I got the same response, “well it was early days”, “it happens such a lot”, you haven’t done anything wrong its just one of those things” “Give yourself time and try again”. It felt like my baby wasn’t a baby because it was just a foetus well to me it was a baby and I loved it.
I finally decided to give it one last go but had decided if it happened again that would be it my beautiful baby boy would have to be an only child which was something I really didn’t want to happen but just could not face going through it again. I decided to try to get more support this time and I went to see a therapist and a nutritionist who prescribed me supplements and remedies from a homeopath which didn’t just treat any physical problems I had such as balancing my cycle but she addressed my emotional state. She gave me Ignatia 200c, which is a homeopathic grief remedy. This helped a lot although I cried a lot, at last, I was acknowledging that I had lost someone I had loved even though I had not met them. Each day I started to feel better and my darkest slowly started to lift.
The following month we talked some more and she gave me Arsenicum 30c for anxiety and fear and also Bach Rescue Remedy so that I could relax and enjoy my pregnancy. This remedy stopped that panicky feeling and I started to not worry as much. I can’t say I enjoyed my pregnancy because I still had anxiety but it was much improved. I found not only the remedies helped but also the time I sat talking to my nutritionist and homeopath helped the most. They had time for me, somebody was prepared to listen to how I felt and could sympathise, she sat and cried with me and she started to give me hope that this time I would be the healthiest I could possibly be to nurture and bring this baby into the world.
The following month She gave me the Alaskan Essence Pregnancy Support to help the baby feel safe and secure in my womb. My homeopath said to contact her at any point I started to bleed or have any twinges, as there are remedies that can help to support the pregnancy further. Obviously, she could not guarantee they would stop a miscarriage but we could at least try.
I have to be truthful and say that, I still took each day at a time and was afraid when I went to my first scan but it so helped to be able to talk to someone that cared, that had time for me because let’s face it doctors just don’t have the time to listen. I felt calmer because I had flower essences and homeopathy supporting me during this scary but amazing time. I felt supported and nurtured and I finally got the little girl I longed for.
Therefore, today I want to reach out to women who need my support. I know how women feel after miscarriages, who have fertility problems, have difficult pregnancies (because I had one with my son), the worries and concerns you have before labour/birth and the adjusting to a little person once they arrive.
That is why I specialize in working with women who are pregnant but are looking for support during their pregnancies. For women who are just wanting someone to listen and to learn how they can support their body naturally to nurture their precious baby cargo. But to also look after their own emotional and mental wellbeing at this special time. I do this every day by listening and then prescribing homeopathy/flower essences, carrying out maternity reflexology, and by giving Angelic colour healing. Creating a safe space to share your worries and concerns, your aches pains and niggles, your worries, fears and anxiety. Giving you the space to relax, breath and recharge. Leaving my healing haven, calm, relaxed, focused and feeling supported.
If you would like further information or a question I have not answered, please contact me on 07968 292785 or firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to be able to support you during this special but sometimes challenging time.